He looked at me, those blue eyes teasing, mouth twisted to hide the grin....and my stomach fluttered...just like it always has. How could this incredible man love me, even now? The once thick crown of dark brown hair, thinning gray. The thin firm body now sagged with neglect and years. The creases from laughter and tears growing around my eyes. He, who knew me little on that day we entered covenant...that day we whispered, "..until death do us part", did he regret that day? Now that he knows that I came with a broken womb and white hot temper, that our life together would be more marked by tears than by laughter, more by struggle than by ease? Now that he knows that I sometimes snort when I laugh and snore when I sleep - would he change his mind? Nineteen years married, and nothing is hidden. If he could, would he change that day?
Would he marry me NOW?? His answer a confident "YES." His love for me is not determined by who I have become or who I once was, whether the womb would bear children (it did) or remain barren, whether I would grow in width (I did) or remain thin. His love and commitment are determined by this incredible covenant he made with me before God on that life-altering day. And, he has never questioned it. His only question is to me: why do I doubt? What has he ever done to make me wonder if he had changed his mind? He asks the questions with hurt. He should. His love has been beyond my understanding. His strength has upheld me through many sorrows, and his arms have been my refuge through the loss of two children. If a human can love unconditionally, he has done it. Never have I doubted that he loves me.
My insecurity has nothing to do with him. He has been a husband far beyond anything I could ask or imagine! Isn't that so like God - give me more than I could even think to ask for? That blue-eyed man who stirs me just by glancing my way is a gift I don't deserve. He demonstrates God to me everyday. He loves selflessly, giving beyond what he has and providing for me before himself.
Oh, how I love that man and thank my God for the gift of him in my life. Thank You, Father, for the gift of this amazing man!