Saturday, June 6, 2015

Mama's Struggle

This mama is a-struggling! Not because I did not realize that my time was limited- in fact, as a mama, that is exactly what I signed up for. Yet, how was I to know...that the hours would gather too quickly in to days that would speed in to weeks that would rush in to years...and those years would lead my children in to adulthood and away from me. I am not ready. Is it okay to say that? I have done all I could to prepare my oldest for this growing up thing. I have spent so much time on my knees...pleading God's grace and mercy, His wisdom and strength to do this His way, pleading that His Spirit whispers my boy's name and draws him to Jesus, begging that I not get in the way. I have spent so much time reading and teaching and walking the Word with him - but, I must confess, not as much time as I have spent falling and failing to get it right. I have hugged and kissed away boo-boos...ones that have bled red and ones that were unseen matters of the heart. I have taken innumerable trips to the ER for those injuries that proved too much for a mama's kiss to fix, to comfort. His daddy and I have driven him to church nearly every Sunday, read the Word to him daily, prayed continually...this task of raising a son is not an easy one...but preparing to release him to the world, well, I am finding that even more difficult. As he finishes his sophomore year of high school...this mama's heart is not ready.

And so I wonder, is his? Is his heart ready to lean heavily on God? Are his mind and heart established in the Word, in hope, in faith and in love? Have his daddy and I prepared him in the most important places that matter...the heart and the mind, to trust our Jesus, our sweet Savior? Have we prepared him to face a world that is contrary to truth and that stands against his God at every turn? Have we been consistent in showing him how to walk by faith and not by sight? Has he seen a living us??

And so, today, as I congratulated the graduating nephew with a hug and a silent heart turns to this graduation celebration, that Lord willing, will be my son's in two years. And my heart cries out, "Oh, loving Father, make him ready! Where his daddy and I have failed, pour out Your grace - reveal Yourself to this boy-man! Take the mistakes and work them out for his good and Your glory. Oh, Father, help, teach, enable this boy-man to walk by faith and not by be a Daniel in a culture that has set itself against You. May his eyes turn to Jesus to quiet the storms of his life. May his heart give praise to Jesus during times of rest. May he hunger and thirst for Your Word and be filled with nothing less than You..every moment of every day."