Saturday, December 31, 2011

And the list continues

Thankful for:

24. the breathing machine humming softly, twice a day, offering hope
to the wee one that he will be able to breath, sleep, live.

25. the gift of a friend, buying us some sparkling juice to celebrate another year.

26. the sticky kiss of the wee one when he wakes from his nap.

27. the twinkle of the lights on the Christmas tree.

28. gas in the tank.

29. laundry all folded and ready for another day.

30. glow sticks illuminating the dark night.

31. a refrigerator that works,and is filled with His bounty.

32. the opportunity to serve my family.

33. the cracked sugar on top of my lemon poppy seed muffin.

34. the music of the dog's nails as they click on the kitchen floor.

35. the seed of a strawberry.

36. shoes that fit.

37. the hope of a new year.

38. the lavish hugs of the boy-man, as he looks for acceptance and hungers for love.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Counting the Gifts

And I thank Him for...

14. the quiet early morning hours, when He calls me out of sit at His
feet, soak Him in, preparing me for the day, renewing my thoughts of Him,
causing me to crave His presence, refreshing my perspective, giving me eyes to

15. the pangs of hunger that awaken my physical body to its need.

16. the refreshing night's sleep.

17. the two sons, still warmly tucked into their beds...sleeping,

18. eyes that are beginning to see.

19. morning's fresh start, the promise of His mercies, new every morning.

20. Christmas decorations, just one more hour, day, week...of remembering Him whom
we are meant to see in all things every moment of every hour of every day.

21. the bats scuttling in the attic, not having made it again into the living space.

22. water on night-parched lips.

23. soft feel of blanket on cool skin.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Finding Joy in ThanksGiving

Words are not beautiful when I write them. I don't sound as eloquent or as heartfelt as some, but I know that God has me doing this...writing it...writing that for which I am thankful. I always have, I mean, kept a thankfulness journal - but not for anyone to see. It has always been a key for know and understand the goodness of God, to see His presence in the details of my life. He is there, in every good thing that every tear that has spilled from the corners of my every giggle that has escaped my lips...He has been and always will be with me. For that I give thanks.

In those lonely, dark years, as we sought to have a child...crying out to Him, begging Him to be real to me, I learned His secret...that secret that enabled my heart to rejoice in the midst of longing...and I thanked Him.

When the news came that our first child would never be held in my aching arms, He engulfed me, drowned me in His love - through His people, His Word, my husband. His breath in my heart was like a warm balm. And I thank Him.

As I listened to the doctor tell me that my oldest was never going to be "normal," that the disease that held him captive would change all of our lives forever...He whispered His peace to my heart. And I thank Him.

When the news came that our fourth child would never breath this side of Heaven, He reached into the inky blackness to remind me He was there. He wrote the child's life. He enabled the barren woman to have a child - four children. And I thanked Him.

As the doctor stood before me, telling me that the two years of allergies for my youngest were not...he suspected something worse, God clutched me to Him, enabling me to breath, enabling me to know He was there. He steadied me, assuring me that this little precious one is perfectly known by Him. And I thank Him.

His fingerprint can be seen in the gut-wrenching heartache, as much as in the inexpressible joy....and I thank Him.

1. I thank Him for the joy of knowing another day.

2. For the cloud's promise of snow.

3. For the smell of a fresh cut Christmas tree.

4. For the laughter of the little one who holds so many hearts.

5. For the desire of the wee one to sit in my lap and snuggle.

6. For the peace of the morning before the sun peeks over the horizon.

7. For the life-giving Water that He meant for me to drink. For the truth of His
Word, washing over me, engulfing me, renewing me again.

8. For the unexpected warm embrace of my man as I am washing dishes.

9. For the pitter-patter of little feet, seeking mama in the middle of the night.

10. For the clean, fresh whiteness of the first winter's snow.

11. For the playful squirrels, nibbling the pumpkin in the the kids
squeal with delight.

12. For the laughter of a friend as we remember...remember who we once were
and celebrate who God has grown us up into.

13. For the sparkle of stars in the sky, a reminder of His promise to Abraham,
the hope of Christ and the joy of walking in His presence.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Tears that Won't Come

Yesterday was one of those of those days when tears wouldn't come...when I felt overwhelmed by the "what if's." What if Jacob does have Cystic Fibrosis? What if the doctors missed it for all this time? What if...what if...what if...

For those of you who have been asked to pray for us. Thank you! I am sure that it is in answer to your prayers that God brought me a river of peace in the midst of the questions. The thought, as we spent the day at the hospital with our sweet little guy, was that this could become our new reality: frequent hospital visits, doctors appointments, medications (as if 7 isn't enough). Or perhaps, a correct diagnosis that will lead to a healthy child...a child who can run and jump and play....a child who can breath and sleep...

I long for God. I cry to Him. I long for Him to step in and relieve my every fear, to overcome my every uphold me with His righteous right hand. He who has never failed will not fail now. He who has never disappointed will not disappoint me now. I cling to Him, I cry to Him and I wait...wait in confidence that whatever the outcome of the test done yesterday is, He knew it beforehand, He is not surprised and His purposes are not thwarted....

May He silence my what ifs with His holy presence. May He write His peace on my heart. He is Lord of this circumstance, of every circumstance....may I learn to live this Truth...