Wednesday, January 25, 2012

An Extra Chair at the Table

This week has been so blessed. We pulled up another chair at our table, as we were joined by my nephew for the week. He is staying with us while his mama is in Haiti. She is livin' on the edge for Jesus...sharing her faith in Christ and He is winning souls. I get to be a part...a small part...of what God is doing through her, by giving her son a place to is so small, and yet I am blessed!!

Homeschooling is a little more interesting...with an extra chair at the table...and all of us sick. His grace carries us...His strength fills us...His light shines in us. We have LAUGHED...oh, how we have laughed. At the store, the twelve year old walked away from us, not even knowing we weren't there. We were behind him, nephew and I, zipping coats, calling to him. He walked on. I can't guess how far he was before he realized that we were not there. Him, walking, talking, waving his arms. Us, watching, calling out to him, asking, "When do you think he will notice?" It wasn't until he asked a question no one answered that he realized he was alone. A leader with no followers. He ran back, laughing, embarrassed. We all joined his giggling...and each of us told our own stories. "Well, one time I ..." Almost couldn't drive home for the tears of laughter streaming.

Nerf fights, building Lego cars, studying, laughing, movies, nothing exciting, just enjoying...enjoying nephew...thankful for the time we have with him! How blessed we are to have a home for him to come visit!! How blessed we are to have time with him!!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Finding Grace

A tear sliding down my cheek, joy filling my heart, is God's grace and mercy to Cystic Fibrosis...severe allergies, yes, but

My wee one, "Mama, it okay, God gave you Jacob." How do you explain tears of joy to a three year old?

My heart cries, "Thank You God for Jacob...for the miracle of him, the gift of him, the surprise of him!" I am consumed with gratitude....

I whisper my thanks...I remind God that I don't deserve such grace...such mercy...such joy. He reminds me of His incredible love...the love that consumes me...the love that has held me through trials and joys...and that He acts, always acts, according to His mercy, His grace, His goodness. I have found perfect love, perfect grace, perfect God my Savior...and He does not fail...even when it hurts.

For now, for this moment, I know and understand His perfect love, His mercy, His grace. I soak it in...I soak Him in and I enjoy sweet communion with Him.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Father's Heartache

Today I saw my Father's heartache. He revealed to me what it is like for the child He loves to experience pain for her own benefit. And, He did it through allergy testing....

Jacob had allergy testing today. It was so painful for the little guy. He wrapped his legs and arms around me as the nurse made his back into a pin cushion. Blood oozed from the spots. Immediately, several of the spots welted up...he cried...he shook...he sat extremely still...waiting for it to end. The last needle came...he whimpered, "It hurts mama." "Yes, but you are being such a good, brave boy." "Mama..." came the little voice. Arms entwined around my neck, tears streaking down his face...I whisper a prayer with him. We cry together. How can I tell him that this...this pain...this for his own good? Does he care that the results of this pain will help us find out what ails him, why he can't breath, why his lungs are inflamed? Will knowing that this test is going to be helpful in the FUTURE help it not hurt in the NOW?? NO. All he needed, all any of us need in the pain, is comfort and unconditional love. He needed to know the comfort of my arms. I held him, clutching him to myself...whispering my love to him.

At that very moment, I saw God. Many trials in my life...much heartache, but...each trial, each heartache, each child lost, each month barren, every tear shed, He was there...He was holding me, clutching me to Himself. He was brokenhearted with me. He was crying with me, He was doing what was best for the long run...but I did not get it then. I don't always get it now...but today gave insight...into my Father's perfect love, His perfect goodness, and I am overwhelmed. He does not let me alone in my pain or in my heartache. My tender Father always does what is best for me, even when it hurts. He loves me so much that He will not spare me pain if it is for my gain. Would a loving Father do anything else?

Just like God allows pain to heal me, I could not spare my son pain that would work out for his own good in the end...but I have to tell you, it HURT hurt my heart to watch him, feel him shake, glistening tears on his cheeks, mottled skin, blood seeping...but would love have done anything less?? I think not.