I just wanted to post an update to my health, for those of you who wonder how I am doing and have been praying. Today, the headache, it still racks my brain. It is my daily goal - one which I fail more than succeed at - to focus on the graces and gifts that I have been blessed with, rather than complaining about the pain. As for my memory, it is still not completely restored - but I think most of it is back. That is kind of said with a question mark, because really, it is hard to know what you don't know.
There are things that I am very aware that I don't remember like getting married (but I most definitely am - everyone in my family assures me). And so what do you do with that? How do you make it okay to sleep in bed with a man that you speak of as your husband, but that your mind just doesn't remember becoming your husband? We did the only thing we could: Friday, January 10, Todd and I chose to commit anew to our wedding vows before the Lord with our children, a sweet Christian couple, and the former pastor of our church and his wife in attendance. We were so blessed! The pastor's wife prepared a beautiful reception of cake, tea and punch. It was a precious time of renewal and fellowship. Several people have asked me if I have looked at our wedding pictures to help trigger my memory, and I said, "Well, no, I never thought of that." But let me ask you, if I don't remember getting married, how likely is it that I remember that I have a wedding album? That is right. Of course, it never occurred to me to get out the wedding album, because, honestly, I did not know that one exists.
And then, there are other things that I don't remember, like a person that I met at church. I see her face, I know that I should know her, I chat with her briefly, but her name...well, I am not sure - did I ever know it or have I just lost that memory? Remembering that we have a new pastor at church - although I guess he has actually been the pastor for a couple of years, Todd tells me this and it seems familiar, right - and the memory comes back. Someone asks a question and it seems buried, like I know the answer, somewhere in my head, but it is going to take some digging to uncover the memory. And then, I remember - all foggy at first, but then more clearly.
The medical tests have come back negative for a stroke, for any blood clots or bleeding on the brain. These are all good things. So, the doctor thinks this is just a migraine, perhaps antagonized by sinus issues...as if there is anything "just" about a headache that has hung on for over three weeks and has robbed of memory. But, this is good news, and so we bow our heads in thanksgiving.
Overall, I am doing so much better and am ever grateful and humbled by your prayers. I am functioning normally (mostly) and completing the tasks the Lord has set out for me to do each day.
All any of us have is this present moment, and so I pray God will enable me to live fully in it, acknowledging His many gifts to me and constantly praying for eyes to see that He is good. His love endures, even when my memory fails, even when the head aches and the stomach turns, through every circumstance. He is an ever present help in times of trial, He is a strong tower and He invites us through Christ to run in to Him. And I don't know about you, but by His grace, I am running, running right in to His open arms.