Friday, November 5, 2010

"Forget Him Not" Friday is my very first "Forget Him Not" Friday. I want to forget not what the Lord has done for me, so I am going to spend each Friday posting one of God's amazing miracles in my life...and I am trusting that He will continue to remind me of His goodness and mercy all the days of my life.

For my first post, I want to tell Jacob's story...the beautiful, unexpected story of the third child the Lord brought us. After eight years, I had finally surrendered my desire for more children to God....and God wrote His peace into my heart. I had discovered that He is better than ten sons!

But satisfied heart once again began to ache with the longing of a mother who desires more children. I cried out to God. I begged the Lord to do the one thing that I could not do: remove this overwhelming desire for more children from me. I wept and begged. I no longer dared ask for children, I no longer hoped for hope was in the Lord and that He who satisfied my heart with good things would satisfy this longing in me if I just sought Him...that I would seek Him and He would be enough.

As always, God stepped in and did the unexpected. He cracked open a door to adoption. I was afraid to step through because...well, because I did not want more heartache. I just wanted God to take away the heartache. It was November of 2007. We began working with a wonderful adoption agency. God was opening doors. God was moving. We attended an adoption dinner, met with adoptive families, began working with a social worker. Suddenly, the adoption agency put every adoption on hold.

I felt discouraged...I was angry with God for leading us down a road that was seemingly empty. I kept crying out to God, but felt like He was not hearing me. Finally, on Easter of 2008, I voiced my hurt and anger to my family. I told my sisters and my husband that I was sick of crying out to God. I was becoming bitter. That night, I cried myself to sleep, crying out to God to take this desire for children away, to heal my heart, to fill me with Himself...the only One who would truly satisfy me. Little did I know what He was up to.

At 11:30 p.m., the Lord awoke me. I wept as I heard His voice. It wasn't audible, but it was there...speaking to my heart to "arise....take a pregnancy Me."

"But Lord, I don't want another negative...I don't want to see it."

"Trust Me."

So, I did. Three minutes later I was waking up Todd. I couldn't even speak. I couldn't even believe what I was seeing.

"Why are you handing me a pen??" asked his confused, half-asleep voice. "Is this what I think it is?? Oh..Oh...oh..." he exclaimed as tears formed in his eyes.

Late into the night we talked about and prayed for this child. Who he was, how amazed we were that God had begun knitting him together in my womb. Yes, I was not just pregnant, but 4 1/2 months pregnant (who takes a pregnancy test when they can't have children?). And God showed me at the right time.

God's protection: three days before I discovered what God already knew, I went to the pharmacy to have a script filled. They did not have the meds in stock and wouldn't for three days. I later found out that the meds were extremely hazardous to the unborn baby. God is sooo good!

July 31 our little Jake joined the family...his birth was as unexpected as the pregnancy. I went to the doctor for a non-stress test. The doctor discovered that the baby's heart was not beating, Jake was born via emergency c-section at 37 weeks.

Praising God that He does not treat me as my sin deserves but treats me according to His tender mercy and lovingkindness.

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