From a Mama to Boys

Why wasn't I warned that motherhood would come with many broken hearts and lack of sleep? Who forgot to tell me that being a mama to boys would be HARD? I never did meet that one brave mama to give it to me straight. She would have said something like, "Being a mother is the best job you will ever have. You will be overjoyed at every accomplishment, laugh harder and cry more. You will have nights that drag on and mornings that come far too early. You will have way more laundry than any ONE child could possible make... And meals, well, they may occasionally feel more like a battlefield than that serene setting you always imagined in your head. Your heart will turn liquid with every hug, and, oh, when he comes to Christ and speaks of Him as friend...it will be too much for words. But, when his heart breaks, when he is rejected...when the kids at church make fun of him or he comes home from school after a day of being left out....your mama's heart will have you crying yourself to sleep at night, on your knees for him. You will want to jump in and defend him. You will, but you can't...you can only carry him to the Father and wait...wait for Him to move. And for all the laughter and all the joy, the tears and heartache will cut deep and you will have to find a way to help him through, to navigate his emotions without spilling your tears. I promise you, one of the sweetest sounds you will hear is his prayers flying to the Throne of Grace. Oh, and the whisper of his 'I love you!' while he snuggles warm in your lap will make you come undone." Yeah, she would have said something like that.

Riding Shotgun

So it is my turn to ride shotgun as my oldest learns to drive. It is my turn to buckle myself in, grip the door and try to refrain from slamming on that non-existent brake that my mama used so often when I was in the driver's seat...the one she still uses today when she rides with me! Ha. I am the one trying to gently instruct and correct mistakes. It is my turn to be the one annoying my son with panicky, screamed calmly spoken instructions when he does not see the car pull out from a hidden drive or when he nearly runs a stop sign. I get to be the adult...sigh.

Then there is the tightening of the chest every time we go somewhere because I KNOW the question is looming, "Can I drive, Mom?" UGH. I try to say "sure" in that "this does not stress me" voice, try to hide that my throat is constricting and I think I may just throw up. I continue to smile and pray...pray for the other drivers as much as for my son. I pray that they don't do something foolish...'cause, let's be honest, that scares me. He has less than fifty kids at his school, and last year alone, three of the students were involved in car accidents. So, yeah, I am concerned about letting my guy drive.

I pray. Silently, under my breath, on my face, constantly, without ceasing, pray. I pray he has wisdom and insight...that he is kept safe. Because at the end of the day, the most I have ever been able to do to protect him is to entrust him to the care of his loving Heavenly Father.

And to all of you mamas who have survived riding shotgun with your "student driver," I just want you to know how brave I think you are. I whisper a pep talk to myself sometimes that goes something like this: "Look at all those mamas who have survived this. Look at all the kids who have grown up and survived this...and who now know how to drive....and who still talk to their mamas! Entrust him to the Lord. He will be fine. Trust in the Lord. We will both survive this."