God gave me the opportunity to share my testimony with a group of women three weeks ago. I did not want to....I was not jumping up and down for joy...I was not wanting to break myself open for all to see the darkness that lies beneath. But then, God (don't you love how every good story starts with that.."but then, God...") But then, God moved in my heart. He reminded me of the tragedy and the heartache He had carried me through, and He opened the door for me to share my ugly so others could see His beauty. I am humbled that He would use my sin, my failings, my inadequacies and my deepest sorrows to make known His saving power, His sufficiency, His ability to reach in to the depths and save, to bring great joy.
I wondered when He first began to whisper what He intended me to do. Why would He ask so much of me? Why would He ask me to speak of such awful memories, memories that I intended to lock in a box and put in a closet, for none to see? What were His intentions? Then, the moment came...I was there in front of forty women. I was trembling with anticipation and fear. The words poured out, a few tears, and then, the victory that He gave me broke forth from my lips with great joy. I told them how I had wanted to hide and refuse God what He asked, but He cleared the path for me to be there anyway. He wanted His light to shine in the darkness of their lives, just like His light shines in the darkness of mine. He wanted them to know His love reaches the unreachable, His Son's blood covers the unforgivable and His mercy and grace rescue when nothing else can.
His will was made known that day. He showed me that He had a perfect plan. I was broken open, but not only for my own sake. The women responded - many of them were broken open, also. They came up afterwards, hugged me and whispered their stories. It was truly overwhelming to hear so many say, "I have never told anyone..." or "I have lived with this shame and guilt for my entire life..." I wept with them...shame and guilt is not how the Lord wants us to live. When we put our failings, big or small in a box, we begin to feel it: SHAME. GUILT. The enemy has power over us. But, when we are broken open, He sheds His light and writes His Truth in our lives. Then, the shame is transformed into victory and the guilt is washed away by the blood of the Lamb. Only God could cleanse such sorrows as were whispered to me...only He could allow freedom to speak of tragedy so that His goodness could be made known. Only God could give me the strength and courage to give testimony of His amazing grace in my life. So, I rejoice. I give all praise and honor and glory to the One who whispers my name, who covers me in His love and who is mighty to save.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Our Little School at Home: Rev to Rev Unit 13
This week, Joshua began unit 13 of Revival to Revolution. He only made it through day 2. We began reading Marie's Home. He looked at me and said, "Okay, Mom, this is a good book...but...um...it seems like it is for girls." I chuckled and then gently reminded him that we could still learn from it. By the end of the assigned reading, he asked, "So, do you think that maybe you could read another chapter? This is kinda good." Hmmmm...of course, I did not read on, but I did get another chuckle.
In his history spine, George Washington's World, Joshua is studying the French Revolution. His written narrations are growing in length and depth, but his oral narration this week was a little shaky. That seems a little strange to me, mostly because it used to be the other way around. On Monday, I am planning on having him reread the selection and try again. His history project is tied to the French Revolution. He is making a cockade of red,white and blue.
Joshua is enjoying his inventor study. Currently, he is studying Eli Whitney. Growing up with an uncle who is an inventor, he himself takes a great interest in the men who came up with ideas to solve everyday problems.
He hit a roadblock in math this week and I gave him a break. Typically, if I give him a few days off then he comes back with a renewed understanding. It is like his mind continues processing the information, even thought he isn't actively doing it. So, instead of pressing ahead in math, we played some math games daily.
Of course, the question is, why in the world did we only complete two days of our curriculum? I worked ten hours on Tuesday, which only affected the things that were teacher directed - we completed those on Wednesday. My parents needed help this week making repairs on their home for winter. Joshua is pretty handy, and whatever he doesn't know, my dad teaches him - from pin tucking brick to using a circular saw. So, he spent many hours crawling under their house, helping Grandpa install a pump to alleviate the flooding in the crawl space. He then leveled the dirt, insulated and worked in Grandpa's wood shop. By the end of the year, he will have enough hours and experience to have earned a shop credit. I am so thankful that Joshua has a good work ethic and wants to bless his grandparents by helping them.
Probably my favorite memory of the week was Jacob snuggled up on Joshua's lap, completing his reading lesson. Jacob was so excited to be reading to his older brother...and Joshua was so thrilled to be the one to help him. I did take pictures, but I am not computer savy, so I have no idea how to even post them.
In his history spine, George Washington's World, Joshua is studying the French Revolution. His written narrations are growing in length and depth, but his oral narration this week was a little shaky. That seems a little strange to me, mostly because it used to be the other way around. On Monday, I am planning on having him reread the selection and try again. His history project is tied to the French Revolution. He is making a cockade of red,white and blue.
Joshua is enjoying his inventor study. Currently, he is studying Eli Whitney. Growing up with an uncle who is an inventor, he himself takes a great interest in the men who came up with ideas to solve everyday problems.
He hit a roadblock in math this week and I gave him a break. Typically, if I give him a few days off then he comes back with a renewed understanding. It is like his mind continues processing the information, even thought he isn't actively doing it. So, instead of pressing ahead in math, we played some math games daily.
Of course, the question is, why in the world did we only complete two days of our curriculum? I worked ten hours on Tuesday, which only affected the things that were teacher directed - we completed those on Wednesday. My parents needed help this week making repairs on their home for winter. Joshua is pretty handy, and whatever he doesn't know, my dad teaches him - from pin tucking brick to using a circular saw. So, he spent many hours crawling under their house, helping Grandpa install a pump to alleviate the flooding in the crawl space. He then leveled the dirt, insulated and worked in Grandpa's wood shop. By the end of the year, he will have enough hours and experience to have earned a shop credit. I am so thankful that Joshua has a good work ethic and wants to bless his grandparents by helping them.
Probably my favorite memory of the week was Jacob snuggled up on Joshua's lap, completing his reading lesson. Jacob was so excited to be reading to his older brother...and Joshua was so thrilled to be the one to help him. I did take pictures, but I am not computer savy, so I have no idea how to even post them.
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